It’s September 26, 2010. I have been off work for the last five days. The first two days was my regular days off, and then I got sick. I got a stomach virus that messed me up so bad you wouldn’t believe. So, I finally get my ass back to work today and the first thing my co-worker, Wendy, tells me that she was told I would not be back until tomorrow. Now as temping as it was to just turn around and leave I didn’t. I did what I needed to do and stayed at work. For those of you who don’t know, I work in a jail. I ‘dress out’ men for a living. Let me explain, briefly. If you don’t make bond while in Booking, then you have to change into jail issued clothing and be placed with the rest of the population. That’s where my job comes in. What I do is inventory everything they come to jail with (clothing/ personal effects). After it’s all inventoried in the computer we supply them with everything they will need while in jail. We also have a number of other petty tasks we have to do throughout the day. It sounds pretty lame, but it’s not a bad job.


By the way, I may change topics randomly. That is because I am pretty much type whatever comes into my head. Well, I fell asleep and now I’m back. I am very tired lately. I guess with everything going on in my life right now it could be understandable why I’m tired. The worst part is trying to get moved out of Jennifer’s house. I have nothing packed, so I have to pack each time I go over there. The one good thing about that is that when I get to my dads house I unpack the boxes as soon as I get there. Everything that I have moved so far has been put where it needs to go and I have managed to keep my room clean. I need a dirty laundry hamper.


YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY SUCKS. WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE MONEY IN THE BANK AND YOU CAN’T GET TO IT BECAUSE YOU JUST OPENED THE ACCOUNT. ALL I HAVE IS THOSE STUPID BLANK CHECKS THAT YOU HAVE TO FILL IN ALL YOUR INFORMATION IN THE TOP LEFT CORNER. I WENT TO KROGER AND PICKED UP ALL KINDS OF GROCERIES. I’M TALKING ENOUGH FOOD FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. I GET TO THE REGISTER, FILL OUT THE STUPID CHECK, JUST TO HAVE THE CASHIER TELL ME THEY DON’T TAKE THOSE KINDS OF CHECKS. I WAS SO EMBARASSED. I HAVE NEVER HAD TO LEAVE WITHOUT MY GROCERIES. NOW I CAN’T GET FOOD UNTIL MONDAY AFTERNOON. I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE BANK TO BE OPENSO I CAN TAKE OUT THE CASH TO BUY THE GROCERIES. THIS IS MY FINANCIAL LIFE UNTIL I GET REAL CHECKS AND A DEBIT CARD. GOD, I MISS MY DEBIT CARD. I HAD TO PUT FOUR DOLLARS IN MY GAS TANK TODAY, SO HOPEFULLY I CAN MAKE IT TO WORK AND BACK TOMORROW. Which reminds me I need to get money out for gas too.


If it wasn’t for my lack of gas in my car, I would go see my children today. The last time I went to see them wasn’t as bad as all the other times before. Patrick was distracted by being outside that he didn’t throw a huge fit when it was time for me to leave. Matthew is still a baby so he doesn’t understand, but Patrick does. Except for this last time, Patrick always climbs in my lap and starts crying and throwing a fit because he wants to go with me. It hurts so fucking bad, I can’t begin to describe. And then there is the loneliness. I miss having my wife around. I thought we had a great thing going. I still believe that we could have a good thing. I can’t change her mind though. I would give anything to just start over from scratch. I’m not talking about moving back in and jumping back to where we left off. I just want to start with a first date again. But I am not going to get that chance, so really, what’s the point of even harping over it. Dammit, I harp because I still can’t believe it’s real. When is the hurt going to stop?


I wish I could just hide out at home until I got over this shitty part of my life, but I can’t. I TRY TO FILL MY EVENINGS AND WEEKENDS WITH HOBBIES AND SUCH. I STARTED PLAYING MY VIDEO GAMES AGAIN. And I have really got back into music big time. I’m not musically gifted, by any stretch of the imagination. I love listening to music. I love it on different formats, i.e. cds, cassettes, and vinyl. I am really falling in love with vinyl. I got a couple of drive by trucker albums and they sound fabulous on vinyl. On this one song called ‘angels and fuselage’, a song about the lynyrd skynyrd plane crash, I swear it sounds like they added extra tape hiss to that song. Which that only makes the song that much more eerie. I love the warmth of vinyl.


Well, I think I’m done rambling for the day. I’m sorry to all of you that wasted your time reading this garbage. But if you did enjoy, then thanks for reading and come again. Peace and chicken grease. I’m out!!!