Monday, September 27, 2010

Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off. But I can’t, so I won’t. Last night Jennifer finally broke down and told me everything I did wrong. And she is right. I fucked this up. All I had to do is love her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I pray that one day she will forgive me and be able to move past this, but she is hurt pretty bad. I would give my anything for one more chance with her. I can’t even stay at her house, when I go see the kids, too long because it still hurts so bad knowing I lost her. I do wonder why she let me act the way I did for so long before she finally snapped on me. It hurts so badly because when we had good times together they were awesome. But not enough for her to try again. God this blows!!!
I miss my sons so much it hurts. I sure hope I can go over there tomorrow to see them and try to pack my car as full as I can with stuff I still have over there. I really don’t know where I am going to put everything when I get it to my Dad’s place. I don’t want to overcrowd my bedroom. It looks nice the way it is now. I wonder if I will ever get over losing Jennifer. I just can’t even think of other things to think or write about. She and the boys are my life. I find it hard to breath these days. Wow. I am really just rambling here. What it is is that I am at work and the jail is at maximum capacity. So what that means is we can’t dress anyone out because there is nowhere to put them. I guess that means I am going to sit here and type every random thought that comes into my head. Maybe if I’m lucky I will actually run out of things to type.
I don’t know if I am going to post this as a blog or not. I might just to keep a running electronic kind of journal. I don’t know who in the hell would want to read this crap. It’s only eight fifty in the morning. I still got to make it to three thirty. Then I got to get my ass to the bank to get some cash so I can go grocery shopping and get gas. Hopefully while I am here today they will update my online banking. If I am really lucky I will get my checks in the mail. I need them so I can switch my direct deposit. I think it is so weird they Metro policy states that you MUST have direct deposit. What if I like going to the liquor store and cashing it for a portion of my check? That was sarcasm by the way.

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