Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Still catching up

  Okay. Fuck it. I miss the hell out of my wife and I can’t get over her. Not even a little. Last night I sent her a text message that simply said I miss you. I did not expect any response at all. But she actually did. She said OK. Then I made the mistake of trying to talk to her about us. Big fucking mistake. Now I know that she loves me like a friend. I thought that was a teenage thing. And I guess it’s just me, but I don’t understand how you can just change your feelings that quick for someone. And on top of that my job mandated me to go to PASS yesterday. PASS is a program with mental health people you can talk to if you work for the Sheriff’s Office or the police department. The mandate I was given stated that I was admitted to Parthenon Pavilion on May 30, 2010 for suicidal tendencies. It also stated that I was currently going through a divorce and seemed depressed per supervisor. It’s been almost five months since I was in the hospital. I have absolutely no desire to kill myself. And my divorce is moving at a snails pace, which is fine with me. If the divorce does go all the way I will learn to except that and move past it as best as I can. As far as the shit about being depressed, I have been depressed for a long ass time. I am actually doing a hell of a lot better. My medications are working great and I feel better than ever. I can think more clearly than ever before. It’s amazing. I go to therapy and a psychiatrist. So the last thing I need is PASS. I am already doing everything I can for my mental wellbeing.

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